Sunday, 31 August 2014

Paul Barfords likes and dislikes

Donna yates has inspired me once more with her Archeology blog.  The red headed Vixen has put a 'likes' and 'dislikes' section at the start of her blog:

I'm rather disappointed she didn't put 'fluffy handcuffs in there', as I would have done a Barford all over my screen then and there.  Oh well, I'll have to leave that one to her pictures and my imagination.

However, I have decided to share my likes and dislikes right here:


Donna Yates.  Nigel Swift.  Donna Yates and Nigel Swift covered in mud, wresting around our dug up corpses.  Paul Barford.  Dead bodies.  Museums.  Easy listening Jazz.  My cat.  My blog.  My opinion.

Dislikes:  METAL DETECTING!!!  The PAS (waste of money)  THAT DAMNED PHD IN ARCHELOGLGLGY.  Britain.  Anything that involves fun - Just ask Mrs Barford.  Tekkies.

So there you have it.  I shall add to this list when more pop into my head, as I'm sure you'd like to hear more about me.  On that note, I'm off to find the tissues.

Paul Barford.

Friday, 29 August 2014

The PAS close to a million objects found!

This is an obvious waste of the taxpayers money!  How dare they!  Take a good look at this behaviour...

One million objects saved from the earth, and registered thus adding to our knowledge of history.  How dare they!  Any person can pick up a metal detector and do this!  Even the public are invited to register their finds, without a metal detector!

I haven't failed my PHD in Archeaoaolalaolagy numerous times for any old person to go and find more stuff than me! THIS ISN'T FAIR!  Take a good look at this behaviour, as I will have my revenge portable antiquities scheme, or the 'PAS' to the illiterate.

Im so frustrated, Im going to go squeeze a bollock at Donna Yates.

Paul Barford.

Archaeologists digging up Battle of Hastings site!

Archaeologists digging up Battle of Hastings site!

Wonderful news.

I've been thwarted by the wig of disguise ala Donna Yates, and was quickly sent home to Warsaw with my tail between my legs.

This PHD is continuing to be bothersome.  So, I've devised a cunning plan more cunning than a fox with a tattoo on his backside that says 'Very cunning.'  I have found a number of websites that create fake diplomas.

Once I've purchased this, I can get in there and start digging up all those lovely dead bodies.  I can't wait to be the first to see them.  I may do a Barford right there and then.  And thern theres all the artifacts that will be kept away from those damn tekkies!  I'll be a hero back in my homeland.

Mrs Barford, warm up the plum jam.  I'm coming home!

Thursday, 28 August 2014

More mysteries at Stonehenge!

I was quaffing down quails eggs, when I came across this new information concerning Stonehenge.

New survey reveals mysteries at Stonehenge!


Stonehenge, perhaps the world's most famous neolithic monument, is like an iceberg, with unsuspected monuments now revealed beneath the surface. The discoveries have expanded the range of potential astronomical uses to which the builders could have used the mighty structure.

We need to get in there and dig the whole bloody lot up.  There will be plenty of dead people under there and my pants are humming at the prospect, and I may do a Barford all over my screen in excitement.

Of course, I have failed THAT DAMNED archaeological PHD on a number of occasions now, so I must find a way to get in there.  Mrs Barford has constructed a ginger wig for me, and I shall disguise myself as that hot piece of totty 'Donna Yates.'  Well, that's if I can stop my bollock from letting out some squeeze at the prospect.

I took a look at myself in that wig.  I'll be using it for my personal purpose from now on.

Paul Barford

Donna Yates - A constructive acheololoaogoist?

Ah, Donna Yates.  The Flaxon haired beauty.

Red of hair and a firey view of the archaeological process to boot.  Many in the archeological community can't stomach the woman, and even say she's two faced!  Pah!  I totally disagree, and support her method of reviewing digs, saying everything is brilliant, and then going back to slag those same people off on her (less important than mine) blog!

She's an angel in my eyes, and I'd take any opportunity to do a Barford all over her face if I got the opportunity.  Sometimes I send Mrs Barford out to Bingo, and happily pleasure myself with pictures of the red headed nimph, and pictures of perfect excavations.  I then shout BARFORD! as I reach my climax, and add to my important blog.  The perfect night in.

Paul Barford.