Merry Christmas to my fellow archealoologists!

Especially, you Donna Yates.

And of course, a happy New year...

...Unless you're a Metal Detectorist.  You can stay out in the cold, whilst I quaf Mince pies, rubbing myself with French odour that Mrs Barford will no doubt buy me again.  Along with socks and pants that have a picture of metal detecting with a big cross through it.  I love them.

Stay out there in the cold, like the disgusting creatures you are.  There will be NO festive cheer for you sad, pathetic losers.  How dare you!

Take a good look at this behavior!  It's people like these who are a burden on the taxpayers pocket.  Not that I pay tax.  That's why I moved to Poland.  Why should I pay tax!?  I'm rich!  Tax is for the underclass.  Stay out there in the cold, in the swill like the pigs you are!

Next year...will be my year.  THIS will be the year that archahahly man will serve his justice.  THIS will be the year that I finally pass that archaelelogy degree!  THIS will be the year that I destroy the PAS and metal detecting once and for all.

Pass me a towel, Nigel.  I'm getting rather moist.

PAUL BARFORD IS NOT A FASCIST!

Fascist Barford!?  PAH!

And neither is Nigel Swift!

(Please don't mention the fact we are actually the same person)


Some foolish creature, probably a dirty un-educated metal detectorist, has said this on one of my other blogs:

This article is written under the paradigm of intellectual superiority or elevated legitimacy of officialdom over the freedom of people to collect artefacts from the land in which they live. Your attitude is by definition a fascist approach to the views and freedoms of others and I’m sure would be laughable to the average Celt/Saxon/Briton although you might have enjoyed support from a few Romans – Caligula, Nero or similar egomaniac! 

fascism: Noun ……………………. authoritarian, or intolerant views or practice.

Take a good look at this behaviour, as this is what the British public are wasting their money on! Foolhardy opinion such as this bucket of tripe!  How dare you!  Do you know who I am?!  I am PAUL BARFORD, ARCHHCHCHELLLGY MAN!  My sidekick NIGEL SWIFT will not be spoken to like this, either!

If you had any understanding in that tiny pellet of a brain you have, then you may eventually come to the conclusion that, we are the educated ones.  Therefore, we know best.  It's not a matter of Fascism, it's a matter of superiority through education.  Knowledge (Google) is power, and we hold ALL the power, Sonny!

I know, I know, you are going to mention the fact that I keep on failing that damned Arcchcllyyggyl degree, but I am educated in other areas.  My O level in home economics alone is enough to crush your puny knowledge.  Mummy was very proud of lil Pauly when I got that.  Oh, and Google of course. Love Google.

The conclusion is this:  Sit down, shut up and listen to our correct opinion.  Fascism?  You don't know the meaning of the word!

Paul Barford.

Heritage action & Paul Barford

Uh oh.  The cats out of the bag.

It's long been known that I love to create multiple aliases online.  This gives me the absolute opportunity to dish out Archeo-punishment in multiple places, at multiple times!  I'm a man one man army, me, and I told you that you should keep an eye on Archeology man, didn't I?  It's not my fault that you don't have the intelligence to understand my simple commands.

Fools!

However, it seems that someone has clocked onto the fact that Nigel Swift of Heritage action, and I are in actual fact the same person.  Damn.  There's no way I can get out of this one, either.  It's watertight.

Ummm....

I'm going to have to give Donna yates a ring I think.  She'll know what to do.  She's the Queen of multiple identities.

Some of you may think it's cowardly that I create dozens of identities, create blogs, and spy on forums!  Pah!  We wouldn't have won our wars without spies!  Take a good look at this behaviour, and you'll understand that I had no choice.  This is MY empire.  The Barford empire.

My coat of arms will have me digging a corpse to be gawked at, whilst Yates fondles my testicles.  Infact, I'm going to have to do a Barford just thinking about it!

Metal Detecting: Hurried Hoard Hoiking on "Club Dig"

Take a good look at this behaviour!

When I first saw this picture, I thought the pot of coins was in actual fact a skull, and I nearly did a Barford all over the screen there and then.  To my dismay, it was only a hoard of coins...

It's times like these, that we need Archeology man to swoop in, and point the stick of justice, and save this piece of history from the cretins that....saved it?

I don't care that we wouldn't have known about this if they hadn't found it!  It's not fair!  I didn't fail my PHD in Archeologgoy 21 times just for these dumb-witted fools to come in and find much more history and heritage than I EVER have in my life!  IT'S NOT FAIR!  I don't CARE they contacted the FLO!

*stomp stomp stomp*

Mark my words, tekkies.....Archeology man WILL have his revenge...!

I'm all wound up now. I need to find that picture of Nigel Swift and Donna Yates wresting around newly dug skeletons.  Crack out the tissues.  This ones going to be in anger.

Paul Barford.

I have become Archaeology man!

I told those damn tekkies I would have my revenge!  MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

I'll swoop down from the trees as a metal detectorist finds a piece of treasure, and shout "TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT THIS BEHAVIOUR!' at them, until they bow down to my infinite knowledge.

This also gives me the opportunity to distance myself from that damn PHD I failed!  Ha!  No-one will question Archaeology man!

Other archeoloooggists like Donna Yates will wet their knickers as they see me swoop to a site, and register evidence correctly.  I'll become a hero!

Nigel swift will have a little shrine made for me in his bedroom.  This is going to be brilliant! FINALLY, I will be accepted by my peers...

I'll pull the PAS apart piece by piece with my bare hands.  I'll dig up peoples graves so people can gawp at them in museums.  The children will ask:  'Daddy?  How is it we can look upon these deceased people dug violently from their graves?  What Angel has allowed this?'

And he will reply...

Archeology Man, my Son.  Archeology man.

I'll relight my love life with Mrs Barford, dressed in my Archeology suit of saving.  She'll not be able to resist the digging might of Me, Archeology man!

I've warned you metal detectorists.  Over and over.  How dare you gather more historical evidence than me.  How dare you.  Now...the time has come...

Paul Barford

P.S Has anyone got any red tights they can lend me?  I split mine, bending down to pick up a biscuit.