Merry Christmas to my fellow archealoologists!

Especially, you Donna Yates.

And of course, a happy New year...

...Unless you're a Metal Detectorist.  You can stay out in the cold, whilst I quaf Mince pies, rubbing myself with French odour that Mrs Barford will no doubt buy me again.  Along with socks and pants that have a picture of metal detecting with a big cross through it.  I love them.

Stay out there in the cold, like the disgusting creatures you are.  There will be NO festive cheer for you sad, pathetic losers.  How dare you!

Take a good look at this behavior!  It's people like these who are a burden on the taxpayers pocket.  Not that I pay tax.  That's why I moved to Poland.  Why should I pay tax!?  I'm rich!  Tax is for the underclass.  Stay out there in the cold, in the swill like the pigs you are!

Next year...will be my year.  THIS will be the year that archahahly man will serve his justice.  THIS will be the year that I finally pass that archaelelogy degree!  THIS will be the year that I destroy the PAS and metal detecting once and for all.

Pass me a towel, Nigel.  I'm getting rather moist.

Down with the underclass!

How dare these Chav creatures from the tower blocks descend on their metal detectors like witches on brooms, and find more relevant history than I have ever found!  HOW DARE THEY! I didn't (try to x 10) complete that PHD for nothing you know!

The good 'ol days

I had a brilliant idea whilst sitting here scoffing quails eggs in my Polish mansion of lesser tax.  We should just round them up like the good 'ol boys did in the good 'ol days on the fox hunts back in 'ol Blighty.

Ah, good times.  We'd murder a few foxes, and get back home in time to scoff some crumpets, and jam, before heading out for a good 'ol game of naked leapfrog with the local church fraternity, and all their friends.  Never seen so many adults wanting to play leapfrog, though.

Very strange...

Anyway!  Back to the chavvy, disgusting metal detecting wielding scum that blight our countryside today.  How dare they!  We must get on our horses, and hunt them down like wild foxes!  We'll burn the metal detectors, and they'll see the fire for miles!

Take a good look at this behaviour, as these are the very people that are wasting the tax payers money, on the PAS and its associates.  Of course, my fellow upper-class chums won't be paying our tax for now.  Why should we?  WE are the educated ones, after all...

Me, David (Fu) Knell, Nigel Swift and Donna Yates.  What a team!

Baggsy on the horse behind Donna Yates.

Paul Barford.

I have become Archaeology man!

I told those damn tekkies I would have my revenge!  MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

I'll swoop down from the trees as a metal detectorist finds a piece of treasure, and shout "TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT THIS BEHAVIOUR!' at them, until they bow down to my infinite knowledge.

This also gives me the opportunity to distance myself from that damn PHD I failed!  Ha!  No-one will question Archaeology man!

Other archeoloooggists like Donna Yates will wet their knickers as they see me swoop to a site, and register evidence correctly.  I'll become a hero!

Nigel swift will have a little shrine made for me in his bedroom.  This is going to be brilliant! FINALLY, I will be accepted by my peers...

I'll pull the PAS apart piece by piece with my bare hands.  I'll dig up peoples graves so people can gawp at them in museums.  The children will ask:  'Daddy?  How is it we can look upon these deceased people dug violently from their graves?  What Angel has allowed this?'

And he will reply...

Archeology Man, my Son.  Archeology man.

I'll relight my love life with Mrs Barford, dressed in my Archeology suit of saving.  She'll not be able to resist the digging might of Me, Archeology man!

I've warned you metal detectorists.  Over and over.  How dare you gather more historical evidence than me.  How dare you.  Now...the time has come...

Paul Barford

P.S Has anyone got any red tights they can lend me?  I split mine, bending down to pick up a biscuit.

Paul Barfords likes and dislikes

Donna yates has inspired me once more with her Archeology blog.  The red headed Vixen has put a 'likes' and 'dislikes' section at the start of her blog:  http://www.anonymousswisscollector.com/bio

I'm rather disappointed she didn't put 'fluffy handcuffs in there', as I would have done a Barford all over my screen then and there.  Oh well, I'll have to leave that one to her pictures and my imagination.

However, I have decided to share my likes and dislikes right here:

Likes:

Donna Yates.  Nigel Swift.  Donna Yates and Nigel Swift covered in mud, wresting around our dug up corpses.  Paul Barford.  Dead bodies.  Museums.  Easy listening Jazz.  My cat.  My blog.  My opinion.

Dislikes:  METAL DETECTING!!!  The PAS (waste of money)  THAT DAMNED PHD IN ARCHELOGLGLGY.  Britain.  Anything that involves fun - Just ask Mrs Barford.  Tekkies.

So there you have it.  I shall add to this list when more pop into my head, as I'm sure you'd like to hear more about me.  On that note, I'm off to find the tissues.

Paul Barford.